In Between The Cracks
by fmd-jade
Summary: Their relationship - if he dared call it that - was as fragile as the new S.H.I.E.L.D. And he couldn't do a damn thing about it. In fact, it was all his fault. Set between Seasons 1 and 2.


When she knocks on his office door he barely has a second to prepare himself. There is no time to re-arrange his tie but at least he manages to shove his papers out of view before she enters his office. He doesn't need her to see his mind's incomprehensible flashes. May gives his office a cursory glance as she strides up to his desk. What had at first been makeshift was slowly but surely beginning to feel like an office too. Having moved some of his little keepsakes from the bus certainly helped.

She reaches his desk before he has the time remove his left hand so he leaves it awkwardly holding on to the edge of the desk. The possibility of her noticing something already has it tingling.

"Hey." May greets as she comes to stand in front of him.

"You're back." He nods his greeting and smiles encouragingly at her. Her eyes narrow at him but she doesn't say anything. "How did it go?"

May just shrugs in response, her hands folded behind her back. "No detectable activity."

"Good." He shuffles a few papers in front of him into order to give his hand something to do. He can already feel the tremor creeping up on him. "I'd like you to take a look at Cerrigo Industries next. As soon as possible."

When she doesn't respond he looks up at her again. For all her efforts to keep her expression schooled into an impassive mask, her gaze falters for a moment as she frowns.

"Is that a problem?" Coulson asks innocently.

"I just returned from a nine day mission." May carefully says. She squares her shoulders and brings her hands to her front as if preparing herself for an attack.

Coulson has to hold back a sigh. He should have known that she would try to be professional first. "I know. But I figured that after a good night's rest you would be ready for a new assignment."

"Can't it wait another day?"

She knows. He knows she knows. And she is calling him on it. With a sigh he closes a random folder in front of him and folds his hands in his lap. His left hand is starting to ache. He hates telling her no. And he really hates that he has to lie to her too.

"No, it can't." May's look hardens and he chastises himself. He knows better than to play dumb with her. "Cerrigo Industries provides HYDRA with multiple-"

"Phil." She interrupts him forcefully and crosses her arms over her chest. Her professionalism disappears entirely as she glares at him. "It's not about that."

"Then what, May?" He has to be careful and act just the right amount of impatient. He stands up to be eye to eye with her. And to use the opportunity to put his fist into his pocket.

May looks down at her hands before meeting his gaze unrelentingly. "Are you punishing me?"

Coulson has to force himself to stick to his plan. Even if her wide and open expression robs him of almost all defenses. "What? No! What would I punish you for?"

The way hurt flickers over her gaze he's pretty sure he's punishing himself by ruining this.

"TAHITI. Fitz's condition." She says slowly and pauses. She's obviously thought about it. Well, she had a lot of time on her solo mission, Phil muses. "Ward."

He shakes his head and has to control his response. He concentrates on his clenched hand. "Don't be ridiculous, Melinda."

"Phil." A shake of her head.

"I'm not punishing you for anything." He's not. It's just that there are things going on. Things he's not sure he wants her to know about.

"Alright." If he didn't know better he would say her spine stiffens as she forces her face into impassiveness.

"Melinda." He pleads with her. He doesn't have to pretend that, she's his friend after all. But making her hate him is his best option right now. He just wishes she allowed herself to get angry at him. It would make this easier.

"I haven't seen you in weeks, Phil. In fact I've barely seen any of you in months because you keep sending me away on missions."

Yes, he does. And he is desperate to get her to leave again. Every night she stays here at the Playground she is bound to find out about the side effects of GH325 kicking in.

"If you don't want me here, all you have to do is say so. You've had no qualms about it before." Her tone is measured but he's known her for years. She is angry. And she is hurt.

"Those were important missions." His voice is tight. "And you are my most capable agent."

Phil watches her bite down the remarks that come to her mind. "I'll take a look at Cerrigo Industries after dinner."

She turns around leaves his office. For a moment he is afraid his door is going to break in half from the way she throws it closed behind her. He stares after her for a long time. He did what needed to be done. He succeeded.

He feels like shit.

Coulson looks down at his shaking hand. The tremor is gaining persistence.

::

Skye looks up from her tablet when someone comes her way in the hallway. When she recognizes the other agent she stops dead in her tracks and waits for May to reach her.

"May, you're back!" She wants to hug the older agent but isn't sure if this would be well received. And not just because she was still wearing her tactical gear.

"Skye." A small smile as May stops a few feet in front of her.

"Since when are you back?" Skye clutches her tablet to her chest to keep from hugging her. She looks like she could really use it.

"Half an hour ago. I just talked to Coulson about the mission." May says tiredly.

"That's great." Skye smiles widely at her in the hopes of getting a more personal reaction. "You came back just in time. It's my turn to do dinner tonight but Trip promised to make his famous chili tomorrow."

May shakes her head. "I won't be here for dinner tomorrow."

"What? Why not?" Skye frowns.

"I'm leaving for Central America tomorrow morning."

"But you just got back." Skye wonders skeptically.

May sighs and her shoulders drop. "There's a new mission. Coulson wants me to check something out."

Skye shakes her head. "No. You've just been on a mission." She says forcefully. "On several in a row in fact."

"Skye." May tries to calm her down.

"No. I... We barely get to see you anymore." She doesn't care if she sounds like a child. This is May and she hasn't seen her for a really long time and she just wants her… _here_.

May just shrugs away her protests. "I'll see you at dinner, okay? Right now I need a shower." She lays a hand comfortingly against Sky's shoulder as she passes her and leaves for her quarters without looking back.

Skye just watches after her and is left mumbling to herself. "Dinner's at seven. In case you've forgotten."

::

"What the hell is May's problem?" Skye doesn't even bother knocking and just storms into his office.

"Please, do come in." Phil sighs and doesn't even look up from the paper in front of him.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just- what the hell is going on? I thought we were doing fine." She says exasperatedly.

"We _are_ doing fine." Phil stretches.

"Then what the hell is going on with May?" Skye asks resentfully and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "Why does she leave us alone all the time? What if we need her _here_?"

Phil tries to stay calm. "Trip is more than capable-"

"I wasn't talking about her fighting skills." She interrupts him.

Coulson looks up at this and takes a real look at Skye. It is almost frightening how much she reminds him of Melinda in this very moment. She is angry and she is hurt. She might not yet have all the mechanisms to deal with these emotions and keep them at bay but he could clearly see May's influence.

Skye plops down into one of the chairs in front of his desk. "I just..." Now the disappointment is breaking through. "We finally got to a point where I know she doesn't hate me and now she's gone all the time."

He knows how great Skye's ability to love and care is. That she not only lacked someone to love her all her life, but someone for her to love. Her heart is brimming with affection and she needs people around she can devote herself to.

And now he is withholding one of them. Not just someone but her role-model, a woman she looks up to and at one point he's sure imagined could be her mother. He hates that he has the ability to do so. That he's this selfish.

::

Skye anxiously waits in the common room for May to join them. The other 'kids' shoot her wary glances whenever she checks the doorway but she ignores them.

But suddenly May is there and something settles inside Skye. She traded her leather jacket for a loose fitting tank top. Trip and Jemma greet her warmly and Fitz beams up at her from his wheelchair. May returns their warm smiles and even lays a hand on Fitz's arm, stroking it gently. She trades soft words with him Skye can't hear but she is distracted anyways. First by the dark bruises on May's shoulder blade, clearly peeking out from beneath May's tank top. And then by the way the older agent seems to favour her left arm instead of her right.

Skye waits until the last second to sit down and subtly tries to shove Trip out of the way so she can sit beside May. He just rolls his eyes and takes a seat further down the table. She needn't have worried. During dinner - rice and chicken - May joins in on their conversations and their laughter. As much as May did anyways. Fitz sits on May's other side and she tends caringly to him, filling his plate and his glass before he even has to ask.

Coulson is late and has to take the last free chair. Right across from May.

She ignores him. Not that Coulson tries and talks to her, he just sits and pushes his food around on his plate. He seems even more miserable than usual. Skye had chalked it up to him missing May and had hoped that his mood would lift once his friend was back, but tonight had to mark a new low.

::

Skye finds him in his office an hour later. The door is open so she leans against the doorjamb for a second and watches him as she pours over some print out satellite images.

"It's you, isn't it?"

He isn't startled and Skye suspects that he knew she was there all along. "You'll have to be more specific."

"May."

Coulson just raises an eyebrow faking innocence. Which is always a dangerous game to play with Skye.

"She wants to be here. Why do you keep sending her away?" She reaches his desk but doesn't bother to sit down.

"These are important missions she's taking care of."

Skye just huffs. "So send Trip. Or let Trip join her. Or let me go with her."

"Skye, I know these are hard times, but I don't have to explain my motives to you."

"That's bullshit. You're keeping her away and alienating her from us. May's done everything you asked of her so why do you keep punishing her?"

"I'm not punishing her." He just can't have her stay here.

"Yes, you are. She's been here for a total of eleven days in the last three months and I miss her. We all do." Skye heaves a deep breath before continuing more calmly. "Why don't you?"


End file.
